Recently Access Hollywood’s Shaun Robinson asked Oprah “Will you leave this earth as a never-married woman?” “Yes,” she quickly replied. “Yeah, I think that’s my final answer” (read the interview here) When asked what her longtime boyfriend Stedman Graham would say about the idea of getting married. Oprah said candidly of Stedman, “If you ever interviewed him, he would tell you that had we married, we would not be together today,” “Because he’s a traditional man and this is a very untraditional relationship. And I think it’s acceptable as a relationship, but if I had the title ‘wife,’ I think there would be other expectations for what a wife is and what a wife does.” Last night a very close friend who has been married for over a decade sent me a text encouraging me to listen to a recent expert of a call from the Dr. Laura show. I immediately felt apprehensive because frankly I think Dr. Laura is a bit of a jerk and most of her conservative advice conflicts with some of liberal feminist views. Don’t get me wrong I used to listen to Dr. Laura often when I was younger, but as a 36 year old woman living a nontraditional life, I tend to consider Melissa Harris-Perry a more applicable and informative source of commentary. Nevertheless, I really admire my friend’s family life and think she has lots of wisdom in this area, so I listened to the nine minute recorded call entitled “Did Tracy have a role in her husband infidelity”. In summary, Tracy was calling in for advice from Dr. Laura about forgiving her husband who had an affair with her best friend. During the call Dr. Laura berated this woman about her responsibility for her husband’s cheating. Apparently, Tracy didn’t meet her husband’s needs while caring for her new baby and when she became seriously ill. The good doctor told the caller that she was “getting all righteous” because her husband found someone else to give him what he couldn’t get at home. While listening to the call, I kept saying to myself, Huh? What? I’m confused… what is the question? If he cheated and you don’t trust him then that’s it…isn’t it? What’s left to discuss? Well, I was so worked up about it that I called my grandmother (who raised me) to get her opinion and of course she had the same reaction I did. She also added ” well, you know white woman cater to their men a bit more than we do.” (hum, really?) And then it hit me….Wait, I consider myself a Christian woman, why do I have such an aversion to submission. I understand sacrifice, but this inequitable submission? I mean don’t all humans require the same things: love, respect and acceptance. Both men and women. Then, why as a woman am I expected to make special accommodations for a man just because he is the MAN. I just don’t get it and maybe that’s why I’m single. I’ve always had a desire to meet a nice guy, fall in love and get married, but the longer I stay single the harder it will be for me to comply with the rules of engagement and the mantras of marriage. I have never had an exclusive relationship with a man. But I have been told from guys that I’ve dated that I can be unaccommodating and tend to lack empathy. I acknowledge that feedback and am working improvement for the benefit of all my relationships. When my married friends talk about all the work that goes into marriage I find myself wondering what the fruit of this labor is and if it is something I can live without. I absolutely want a committed relationship with a loving and supportive partner. However, I think Oprah is right about the expectations that go along with the wife title and I don’t think I have what it takes…Yeah, I THINK that’s my final answer.
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Hey There, Babe!I am a 43 year old bangle loving, deal seeking, info gathering, coffee drinking, craft doing, overthinking, God trusting mom and social worker. Archives
March 2018
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